10 Things You Should Know About Men & Trauma

Whether you are a man who has experienced a traumatic event or are wondering how to support a male partner who has experienced a traumatic event, it is helpful to know more about how gender impacts the way men experience trauma. Gender can influence the way people experience trauma due to expectations of behavior based on social/cultural gender norms, how much a person ascribes to gender role socialization and how their gender has influenced the way they see not only themselves, but also the story they tell themselves about the traumatic event. Consider the following facts about men and trauma:

1. The Role of Male Alexithymia: Alexithymia is a term used to describe the restriction of emotional expression caused by socialization. Little boys today are still discouraged from expressing their emotions by family members, peers, teachers, coaches and other role models. Alexithymia can make it difficult for men to process the range of emotional reactions that occur after a traumatic event. In fact men report more hyperarousal symptoms (being on edge, being on guard) after a trauma, rather than emotional responses like depression or anxiety.
2. Types of Trauma: Men are more likely to experience combat trauma, physical assaults (related to violent crime) and are more likely to witness violence. Combat trauma and rape are most likely to lead to PTSD in men. Although women still experience more childhood sexual abuse, it is estimated that 8-29% of men experienced sexual abuse in childhood.
3. Who Causes the Trauma: Men are more likely to be harmed by enemies (for example in combat trauma) or by people they do not know. However, when men are harmed by someone they know (most likely in childhood sexual abuse) it can cause trust issues and make it difficult for men to believe in their own ability to determine who they can trust.
4. View of Self: Men are less likely to view themselves negatively after a traumatic event. This may be one way gender socialization actually helps men cope with and heal from trauma.  
5. The Role of Fear: Because boys and men are socialized to believe that men are supposed to be strong and fearless, it can be very difficult to acknowledge fear. Men might fear others, but also fear their own reactions (acting out after a triggering or upsetting event). And while fear can be easy to hide in the short-term, it can ultimately lead to problems in long-term relationships.
6. Difficulties with Disclosure: Men might struggle more with disclosing their trauma due to gender role expectations. Simply put, being a “victim” does not fit well into the male gender role schemas (i.e. strong, in control, can protect themselves and others). Because of this conflict, they might experience more shame in disclosure.
7. Issues with Intimacy & Sex: The messages men get from our cultural about sex and male sexuality are already pose many problematic challenges. Sexual abuse can further confuse what a healthy relationship should look like and many men who have experienced sexual abuse confuse sex with intimacy. They may struggle with emotional closeness in relationships.
8. Men may overlook power differentials in childhood sexual abuse: For boys who were sexually abused by another male (usually a male in power) most decide to keep the experience a secret and feel very ashamed about what has occurred. However, boys who are sexually abused by an older female they may view the experience initially as “positive,” as a message boys are socialized to believe is that any sexual contact with a female is a good thing. They may feel confused about these experiences later and have difficulty identifying the experience as traumatic or abusive. Sometimes men do not recognize the damage these experiences have caused until later in life, when their own child reaches the age that they were abused.
9. Anger: Anger is often the easiest emotion for men to express because it is one encouraged by our gender socialization of men (anger equals strength, power, ability to assert oneself). Anger is often a mask for other emotions that men have difficulty expressing like sadness, frustration, fear and anxiety. The expression of their anger can be explosive or abusive and may serve as a way to push those close to them away. Some men might even be afraid of their own anger and how they behave when in an angry state. Men healing from a traumatic event often need help in identifying the emotions behind their anger, and how to express their anger in a health manner.  
10. Support: Men may be more likely to response to goal oriented and task oriented interventions. Always ask what your specific male partner what he needs, but keep in mind they may feel more supported by specific tasks (ex. “Let’s figure out a time or plan when you/we can…go to the gym, go to therapy, see friends, have more relaxing activities together) rather than pushing them to express themselves emotionally if they are not ready to do so. Some couples will use a journal as a way to write about what is coming up for the male partner emotionally, as some men have reported being more comfortable with writing about their emotions rather than discussing  face to face (remember alexithymia can put them at a disadvantage to do so).