Have you been suspicious of your partner’s behavior recently? Even though they’ve given you all the right assurances, do you still wonder if your partner is cheating on you?
For many, their partner promises time and time again there is nothing to be suspicious of and no one else. However, if your inner alarm keeps going off, it might be worth a second look. Here are five common signs your partner is cheating
1. They are resistant to going to couples therapy.
Be ready for your partner to come up with the most creative excuses to avoid couples therapist. Ignore the reasons and listen to what your partner is ultimately trying to tell you – they don’t want to do the work. They’re saying no to accepting professional help and guidance to better yourselves and your relationship.
Usually, I find that the reason partners are resistant to couples therapy is that they don’t want to be accountable for their behavior.
2. They protect their phone at all costs.
They keep their phone close at hand at all times. They don’t let the kids play with it. They don’t share their phone code with you and they don’t let you see what they’re looking at. There’s a consistent secrecy about their phone. This is a red flag that they have something to hide.
Sometimes, cheating partners give odd reasons to validate why they don’t want you looking through their phone. Common ones are:
- My friends send me stupid texts/memes and I don’t want it to upset you.
- I can’t control what other people send me, and I don’t want you to judge me for that.
These silly worries are usually deflection. It’s not about you, it’s about them letting go of control of their phone and the world they have been keeping to themselves. It also raises questions like, what does my partner put out there in conversation with other people?
Typically text messages from our friends is a continuation of what we talk about and what our common interests are. Keep that in mind.
3. They delete EVERYTHING.
Browser history, text messages, voicemails – everything is wiped squeaky clean when you do get a chance to share technology.
While they might give you legitimate reasons for doing this, if they are already protective of their phones, this is usually a clear sign of having something to hide.
4. Their job keeps them out late.
Their job comes with an element of flexibility, that allows for more freedom and extended hours than your typical 9-5 day job. Their job may require them to spend a lot of time out at night, travel frequently or go out without you consistently. In a healthy relationship, without other warning signs, this might not be considered a red flag. However, coupled with the signs above, this might be WHEN your partner is behaving badly. Or their once very reliable, consistent schedule suddenly changes to working weekends, or late weeknight dinners, etc.
5. Your gut is talking to you.
You chose to read this article for a reason. Something in your relationship is not sitting well with you; your radar is up and you looking for answers. You are being honest with yourself to go deeper into understanding the problem. The evidence that something is off may be piling up, or your suspicion is based off your partner’s change in behavior. Regardless, the fact that something isn’t making sense to you about your current situation is valid. Sometimes we are quick to minimize our instincts by calling ourselves crazy or paranoid, but your instincts are kicking in for a reason.
I think my partner might be cheating: What do I do now?!
For now consider this the information gathering stage. Continue to keep your eyes open, ask your partner the questions you want to ask, and continue to assess the information at hand. Seeking support from an individual therapist to help process you concerns of infidelity and decide how to proceed is very helpful. As mentioned above, your instincts are on high alert right now and there’s a chance you have a partner gaslighting you. You may be tempted to doubt yourself. Having your own individual therapist is a fantastic built-in support system where they will honor your perspective, help you organize your thoughts, and help you develop appropriate coping skills, while you decide your next step.
Whether you’re considering couples or individual therapy, or you’re unsure of which to start, give us a call and we can help you. Call me to schedule today: (610) 608-0390