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Click on any of the topics below or scroll down to see the latest blogs
Struggling with infertility can cause a range of difficulties for a couple. Infertility, and the treatments of infertility can cause significant financial stress, feelings of inadequacy or low self-esteem, feelings of guilt, relationship distress, feelings of loss and grief. Commonly couples report sexual dissatisfaction, low sexual desire and sexual dysfunction due to sex starting to feel like a “chore” or if it feels too clinical.
Many clients with pelvic/sexual pain disorders can feel overwhelmed when trying to determine where to start in therapy because pelvic/sexual pain disorders impact so many different areas of a person’s life. Everyone’s starting point is different, so it is helpful to determine the most significant ways your pelvic/sexual pain disorder is impacting your life and prioritize those goals first.
“DARVO” stands for “Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender.” DARVO can occur on an individual or institutional level, & is a common tactic used by narcissists. This tactic allows perpetrators to frame the survivor of the abuse as if they were the offender. This strategy can make it difficult for those outside of the situation to determine who is telling the truth. It enables the narcissist to destroy the survivor of abuse’s reputation and makes it difficult for others to believe the survivor of abuse.
Many partners of women with pelvic/sexual pain struggle with how they can be helpful while their partner is getting treatment. Here are a few ways you can offer or show support to your partner with pelvic/sexual pain:
Women with pelvic/sexual pain disorders typically see multiple specialists over many years before finally receiving an accurate diagnosis. One recent study of 758 women with surgically confirmed endometriosis found participants had an average diagnostic delay of 8.6 years and 75.2% of participants reported being misdiagnosed with another condition first (Bontempo & Mikesell, 2020).
It is important for those with pelvic/sexual pain disorders, and those who have someone in their life that they care about who has a pelvic/sexual pain disorder to understand that these conditions impact much more than a person’s ability to have pain free sex. Having a pelvic/sexual pain disorder can negatively impact a woman’s ability to go to school or work, maintain friendships and relationships, establish financial stability, be able to engage in hobbies/activities they enjoy, start or grow a family, etc.
Pain can interfere with the body’s sexual response cycle. If you’re having pain with sex, even the anticipation of that pain can increase the likelihood that you will then experience painful intercourse. If sex is painful, women’s nervous systems may start to perceive gestures towards intercourse as a threat, which causes the pelvic floor muscles to tighten.
Most women are told by their OB/GYN that they can resume having sex six weeks after giving birth (which seems unrealistic even based on lack of sleep, let alone physical healing). In fact, 85.7% of women reported experiencing pain with sex the first time they had sex after giving birth (McDonald et al., 2016). Even months after giving birth many women still experience pain with 41% of women reporting painful sex at three months postpartum, and 22% at six months postpartum.
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS): It is estimated that 6-12% of women have PCOS, which impacts women during their childbearing years. The ovaries of women with PCOS produce an abnormal quantity of androgens, which in some cases disrupt ovulation.
When working with clients that have pelvic/sexual pain, one of the first questions we explore together is “What is your pelvis holding?” Just as some people hold their stress in their back, or neck or jaw, some people hold stress in their pelvic floor muscles. For someone dealing with TMJ pain, their treatment might include wearing a nightguard, going to physical therapy, using oral medications for inflammation and pain, and addressing chronic stressors that might be contributing to the muscle tightness and tension…
Many women experience low sexual desire at points in along-term relationship and mistakenly believe (or their partners mistakenly believe) that the cause is hormonal. Because women have “responsive or receptive” sexual desire (unlike men who have spontaneous desire) women’s sexual desire is more likely to be impacted a range of stressors and factors.Consider these common barriers that can lower women’s sexual desire…
About a third of women will experience pelvic/sexual pain at some point in their lives. Whether your pain is related to postpartum issues (dryness related to breastfeeding, pelvic floor muscle dysfunction from pregnancy) or a chronic condition (IC, endometriosis, vulvodynia, changes from menopause) it is possible to have pleasure sexual experiences with yourself or with your partner. Consider the following suggestions to enhance your pleasure…
Having a baby changes your life in every way possible. This is especially true for women who return to work after having a baby, especially in the United States, where there is no mandated paid leave for mothers or fathers. Returning to work can be upsetting and a source of anxiety for many new moms who may not feel ready to go back to their careers. It can feel out of your control, but here are a few strategies that are in your control to help you adjust.
What Does “EMDR” Stand For? EMDR stands for “Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing.”What is EMDR?EMDR is a type of therapy used to treat trauma related disorders and emotional distress caused by upsetting life experiences. EMDR uses standardized protocols with bilateral stimulation to facilitate the adaptive processing of traumatic experiences, allowing psychological healing to naturally occur.
If you have pelvic or sexual pain your doctor may have recommended you do pelvic floor physical therapy. Other recommendations may have also included dilator therapy or getting injections or using suppositories. These treatments not only require time, energy and financial resources, but they can also be triggering for those with trauma in their past. Sexual trauma, medical trauma, an abusive relationship, etc. may get reactivated when undergoing these treatments. Signs that you may need to seek counseling to work through past traumatic experiences include…
A frightening story I hear over and over is that of a narcissistic ex-partner abusing the legal system to abuse and bully their former partner. The narcissist will claim their former partner was or is abusive to him/herself and/or their pets or children. This form of abuse is costly to the victim, as the victim needs to hire a lawyer to defend themselves and may miss time away from work to deal with any legal proceedings or legal meetings. In addition, legal abuse can be extremely emotionally draining, as there is nothing the victim can do to prevent this from happening and they often have to face the consequences of being slandered in their communities. The narcissist will take the following predictable steps when engaging in legal abuse…
Many studies now support the connection between trauma and the later development of sexual or pelvic pain in women. One population-based study of adult women found that sexual, physical and psychological abuse was linked to a four to six-fold increased risk of genital pain in adulthood (Harlow & Stewart, 2005). Another 2011 study found that teen girls suffering from genital pain reported experiencing more sexual abuse, as well as a greater fear of physical abuse, than those who did not report genital pain (Landry & Bergeron). If you are currently experiencing…
One of the most identifiable aspects of the early days of parenting is exhaustion. Family and friends encourage you to prepare for lack of sleep, “sleep now – you won’t sleep once the baby comes”, suggesting that you can store it away for when you need it most. No one can prepare a first-time parent for parenting and the lack of sleep that often comes along with having a baby. As much as it might be considered a rite of passage to be an exhausted new mom, living on caffeine and “sleeping while the baby sleeps”, the bottom line is that humans need sleep to survive. Something to consider: sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture. Humans needs sleep.
If you are a woman who recently had pain with penetrative sex, you should consult your OB/GYNO to determine the medical factors that may be causing painful sex. Medical conditions that can cause pelvic pain include endometriosis, vulvodynia, interstitial cystitis, various skin conditions, hormonal changes related to menopause, pregnancy, or while breastfeeding, physical trauma from childbirth, hip and back problems and pelvic floor muscle dysfunction…
Almost every adult survivor of sexual abuse believes they were responsible for their sexual abuse. In addition, the secrecy and shame about these experiences can lead to profound emotional grief and anger, and isolation from others. Often, these feelings are the result of “grooming.” Grooming refers to behaviors that an adult abuser uses to desensitize or prepare a child for sexual abuse…
Erectile Dysfunction (ED) is defined as the difficulty in achieving or maintaining an erection in at least 75%-100% of the time during desired sexual activity. In order to meet the diagnostic criteria for ED these symptoms must have persisted for at least 6 months and must also be causing significant distress. As men age, ED becomes more common…
Finding out that your partner is having an affair can be devastating, shaking you to your core, leaving you feeling unmoored and vulnerable. To use the analogy of a relationship being like a house, infidelity tears the house down to the foundation. Like the aftermath of any disaster, you might wonder if it’s worth rebuilding, or if you should just cut your losses and walk away while you’re still in one piece. Like most things, the answer isn’t black and white. Here are the three primary factors to explore when you’re considering rebuilding your relationship after infidelity.
Many new moms, and maybe not-so-new moms, navigate motherhood by struggling inside while presenting a perfect image to the rest of the world. The messaging we see and hear from our family, friends, social media, and sometimes our partners, implies that women should instinctively know how to be a mother. However, when the time comes, they feel unprepared. They look around and wonder: where’s the bliss that is portrayed on social media? The real deal is that being a mother is not easy physically, emotionally, or mentally. At one point or another, most moms struggle and their struggle is usually silent.
Several factors are related to male infertility. First, older age is correlated with low sperm count and less healthy sperm. Other factors that are known to reduce sperm count or create less healthy sperm include drug or alcohol abuse, anabolic steroid use, poor diet, being overweight, smoking, toxin exposure from pesticides and lead, and exposure from endocrine disrupting chemicals. Medical problems or medications that disrupt hormone production can also impact men’s sperm production…
Communication is one of the most common reasons couples seek therapy. It can feel like a never-ending journey to be effectively understood by others and to better understand our partners. Unfortunately, things get in the way of understanding and being understood, in the form of unhelpful types of communication. Especially when you add kids into the equation. Lack of sleep, busy schedules, and the stresses of parenting can take quite a toll on the quality and style of interactions between a couple.
Most of us have thoughts where we worry about the worst possible outcome, or we fixate on how we were perceived. We have thoughts that are skewed, disruptive, or just blatantly false. And then you become a mother and the anxious, negative thinking can feel like it’s nonstop. These negative thoughts are known as cognitive distortions and they can interfere in relationships, hold us back from reaching our full potential, and impact our confidence as a person and a parent. Cognitive distortions can also contribute to anxiety and depression, and be a major roadblock to be a present parent.
Losing a loved one is one of the most personal and painful experiences that we face in our lives. In the aftermath of a loss, it is easy to get stuck in the pain and feelings of overwhelm and avoid the process of mourning the loss. While grief is a difficult and process, it is also a healthy one. Based on William Worden’s book, Grief Counseling and Grief therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner, there are four tasks of mourning. The four tasks of mourning focuses on what you can do, rather than what happens to you in the grief process. The four tasks of mourning include: accepting the reality of the loss, processing the pain of grief, adjusting to the world without the deceased, and finding an enduring connection with the deceased amid embarking on a new life.
Over the course of a long-term relationship there will be points where penetrative sex is not an option, or when couples want to expand their sexual repertoire even if penetrative sex is still an option. Common reasons why couples must sometimes take penetrative sex off the table include when the female partner is struggle with a sexual or pelvic pain condition, when a partner is receiving treatment for a significant health issue such as cancer or having an autoimmune disease flare-up, when a partner is dealing with traumatic experiences, when the female partner is postpartum…
The art of agreeing to disagree with others with is necessary to maintain healthy relationships with colleagues, neighbors, friends, and that uncle who uses the Thanksgiving dinner table as his opportunity to convert you to his personal ideology - but what happens when the disagreements involve the person closest to you? When partners disagree on topics that get filed under “core values”, it might be more difficult to untangle where our opinions start and our feelings about the relationship end. Managing conflicting opinions on topics that are deeply personal with our neighbors is one thing, but when you and your partner are on opposite sides on political, social, or religious issues, it can damage the relationship if it isn’t handled with care.
Pregnancy, giving birth, and meeting your baby are transformative experiences that will undeniably change your life in innumerable ways. Whether you had a formal birth plan, with your preferences laid out ahead of time, or you took a more “go with the flow” attitude, the experiences, emotions, joys, and disappointments that occur throughout pregnancy and the birthing process have the power to deeply change one’s perspective on what they imagined the experience might be like. The stories we tell about this profound experience can impact how we view ourselves as parents, as individuals and can potentially play a role in our feelings about future pregnancies.