For the past few weeks most of us have had our lives turned upside down with little warning due to the impact of COVID19. Employment and financial stress surround us, the unknown continues to follow us daily, and for those of you who have children, the days are incredibly long. For many, everything feels heavy and hard. By the end of the day, many of us are left depleted and burnt out. Which means many are not feeling the sexiness of this situation, and understandably sex lives are on hold. Your decision to have sex during this time is up to you and your partner as to what works for you, and that’s okay. It’s completely understandable why some couples are having sex during this time, as well as not. Sex may stop, but connection cannot. It’s okay if the two of you aren’t having these romantic candlelit dinners, or relaxing mornings just hanging in bed gazing into each others eyes. Many of us are simply in survival mode and that’s okay. We can do some basic tasks to stay connected while in survival mode.
I challenge you to go through survival mode with your partner by your side and vice versa. The following ideas can help you keep the connection going in a feasible and realistic way. This list is designed for the busy, overwhelmed couple who are still mindful of the importance of a quality relationship but can’t take on large goals right now. It’s okay to be honest about what you can handle right now. In the meantime aim to practice 1-2 of these ideas and actions daily.
- Set aside 5-10 minutes to talk about your perspectives and the impact for you regarding COVID19 and quarantine.
- Set aside 10 minutes to talk about ANYTHING other than COVID19.
- Have a morning coffee date before life kicks in. Take 15 minutes in your favorite spot of your home and simply be together while you sip in your coffee.
- Shutting down your day/house 10 min early so you can intentionally just be together on the couch or in bed: hold each other, check in with each other, decompress.
- Taking a break during the day for a walk together.
- Watch something funny together (no phones present).
- Have a budget date. Go over what’s been paid, what/s coming up, and what can be cut or negotiated. This is intended to get you two on the same page, which should increase connection and lower a bit of financial worry. Try and keep it brief. 25 minutes. Make a second date for this the following week if you need more time for this.
- Take a virtual class together: a support group, yoga, mindfulness, fitness, etc.
- Have a structured conversation about anxiety and COVID by answering: “What’s in our control and which ones do we want to take on?”
- Thank your partner for the little things (even if it’s the typical tasks like taking out the trash, or unloading the dishwasher during work hours, etc).
Soon enough we will all be allowed to return to most of our normal routine and the crisis part of COVID will be behind us. Much of what you experience on the daily right now will disappear from your memory, but what will stay with you is HOW you and your loved ones handled this crisis and each other. These ideas are a great way to guide and maintain your relationship while you sift through the unknown. Be kind to yourself and to those around you. If you would like some additional help during this time to make sure you’re leaving some room for your relationship, virtual sessions are available now. Call Aimee Wood: (610) 608-0390.