There are many different forms of BDSM contracts. For example, in the master/slave contract the slave gives up all the rights and decision-making power to the master. You are welcome to come up with your own contract that best serves your needs. I advocate this safe sex contract, in which partners feel heard, understood, and trusted. Here is one example of a safe sex contract for those wanting to try BDSM:
When to Stop, Slow Down or Speed Up
My safe word for you to stop immediately: _________________________
My safe words for you to slow down: _________________________
My safe words for you to speed up: _________________________
These safe words may be “red” to stop immediately, “orange” to slow down gradually, “yellow” to slow down immediately, “green” to speed up gradually, and “white” to speed up immediately. However, I highly recommend coming up with your own safe words where everyone feels comfortable in using.
Things I am not willing to learn, read or talk about: _________________________
Things I will not engage in under any circumstances: _________________________
Locations or settings that I don’t feel comfortable engaging in a sexual activity: ____________________
Curious but Not Sure
Things I may try sometime in the future to see how it feels: _________________________
Things I heard and am willing to learn more about: _________________________
Equipment and Safety
The tools and toys that your scene will include can be prepared together or by one of the partners. You and your partner should decide whose responsibility it is to prepare the scene. This person can be either the submissive partner or the dominant partner, or both. Tools may include ropes, duct tape, ear plugs and blindfold. Anything safe to use can be a tool but should be pre-determined.
Tools and toys that we can use: _________________________
Tools and toys that I don’t feel safe using: _________________________
Also, I highly recommend partners to keep a pair of scissors, and a back up key for handcuffs in case of emergencies.
Cleaning the scene collaboratively and turning towards each other should be included in the aftercare process. This aftercare may include, cuddling, talking about the scene and taking time together.
Aftercare activities I would like to engage in are: _________________________
If you need help in creating your safe sex contract, please consult your therapist.
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