Narc: “Mirror, mirror, on the wall.”
Narc: “Who’s the most victimized of them all?”
Narc: “Pick me!”
Narcissistic folks tend to be the type of people who throw stones at glass homes, terrifying and traumatizing occupants—only to eventually duck or run and later fabricate a massively tall tale, claiming that they were chased and hunted by a vicious mob of glass home owners.
Narcissistic folks are notoriously known to shatter hearts for a living, annihilating the vital organs by hand and refusing to offer the empathy and love necessary to revive the actual victim; instead, they hover over the victim and wail incessantly, claiming that they’ve suffered a deep gash during the annihilation process and are now bleeding profusely.
Narcissistic folks are even quick to explicitly accuse others of being extremely narcissistic, which is mindboggling, infuriating, and almost laughable.
Let’s chew a couple of digestible pieces of information in order to decipher these confusing, questionable behaviors:
Victim of the Month. Narcissistic folks claim to miraculously win the victim of the month award—every month. This outcome occurs frequently since the victim façade or victim false self happens to be one of the top-ranked acts in the narcissist’s one-person, drama-filled showcase. The victim façade is akin to the mask, props, and charades that the narcissist uses to captivate and manipulate their audience members; it helps them gain power and control via narcissistic supply stock fulfillment, for instance—in this case, via rolling rounds of applause and consistent, skyrocketing box office ticket sales. The victim façade is also like yellow caution tape; it restricts others from accessing the narcissist’s true self, which is the inner core of every human being—the part that is aware, kind, empathetic, and responsive.
When narcissists take the stage in full-on victim mode, they enjoy feigning innocence and pulling at heart strings. This may sound harmless, but, in reality, these actions are actually heinous, gaslighting tactics that are applied to make the actual victim seriously doubt whether or not they are riddled with narcissism; this type of manipulation also widens the power and control gap, allowing the narcissist to avoid feeling healthy shame and guilt. If you ever have trouble picturing the narcissistic victim façade, imagine the Big Bad Wolf from Little Red Riding Hood disguised as grandma in her bed. Also, beware of the narcissistic wound, which entails emotions and behaviors—everything from rage to crying spells—that onset once the actual victim confronts or exposes the narcissist and gains manipulation immunity via empowerment; this also tends to be the scene in which the actual narcissist calls the actual victim an extreme narcissist.
Playing Defense 24/7. We’ve all had our defense mechanisms activated at one point or another. Defense mechanisms are involuntary, unconscious psychological responses designed to mitigate our distressing thoughts, anxiety symptoms, and other uncomfortable (internal) experiences. Projection is a defense mechanism turned manipulation tactic used by narcissistic folks—professional projectors and deflectors. When narcissists project, this means that they refuse to acknowledge and hold themselves accountable for their shortcomings and unacceptable behaviors. Instead of accepting their flaws and unsavory traits (such as the narcissism), they ascribe the traits to the actual victim—in an attempt to shame them and evoke a sense of inferiority. Ultimately, when projection kicks in for the narcissist, they are never a part of the problem. Everyone else is to blame and out to get them—in their world. They are always the beloved protagonists while others are the antagonists.
If you’ve struggled with reduced visibility or have encountered challenges coping with the narcissistic victim façade, consider working with a licensed therapist who will validate your experiences and help you aim to achieve full visibility.
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